The strong emotions faded when I landed back to Changi airport. I met him again to confirm.

Its gone.

That feeling is gone.

Thats why sometimes I really believe that girls can break up with guys for no reason (BUT the other way round is bullshit). Because we fall in love for no reason too.

**

I'm working alot lately. Free of charge OT, boss, Free of charge.

Im not complaining though - I'm enjoying it.

I've been avoiding to blog because the page layout does not seems right in my browser, there must be something wrong with Chrome or I.E version that I'm using.

Anyways.

I've been trying to pack more life into my life recently.

Chalet was a success/disaster. Depends who you are. =)





We spent (when I say we, I mean me & dengli and whoever was with us at the point of time) quarters of hours gossiping and biatching loudly about people around us. People worth biatching, oh go read my chinese blog if you're free and you'll know what I'm talking about.

I have not seen Ah Seng, Rong po and Shifu for YEARS. I only come to one conclusion - if you're skinny, either you become very fat, or you become thinner. You may think its crap logic but I saw two very good live examples.




I've said it umpteenth times, but i'm still going to say it again .... YOU LOOK LIKE THYE HONG UNCLE (WITHOUT THE HAT)!



We spent almost coming 200 bucks on the bbq? Oh my god Im starving now lah....




I did help!




Crabmeat crabmeat crabmeat!




The first thing I did. Grab the food basket and sit down.




How desperate am I to put these two together?



Very desperate.
Don't ask me why. I just find it entertaining.



HAHA.




Look sexy with a crabmeat doesnt mean you have to look like a FHM girl.
Muahahahahaha.



The happy go lucky boys were happy...



...until the Jim Virus hit them.



She just have the rich look lah!



The skinny and the skinnier. Lol.



Huimin, Jinping (Gerald's girlfriend), Dengli , Sandy koh and me. Huijuan and Doretta's missing.



Very sweet couple. They disappeared for almost an hour.




Lalalalalalalalalala...sing a song of six pence.




T18 and girlfriends.




Somebody's birthday cake.



THEIR birthdays.




Happy belated birthday!

I'm an idiot. I changed the password, I noted the password, I still got it all wrong. Now the email accounts locked, my computer's the only one that can access to it cos I'm already logged on anyway.

Its the company email!!!!!

Im an idiot.

Im an idiot.

Im a flat chested idiot!

***

I thought he was a friend. And so he was.

And then I thought there was something more to it. And so it seems.

And now it seems like, I'm scratching a tunnel out of a hole.

The hole is still a hole. I'm blessed that I still have my fingers in tact, no blood, no nails coming off, no tarnished nail polish......

***

You never know a blessing in disguise when its still IN DISGUISE.

I'm supposed to go on a Malaysia run this morning, Malaysia guide arranged, itinerary pre-planned and stuffs. Was fretting over it last night, matching my clothes to get the safest (and poorest but still fashionable looking) look this morning till an SMS cancelled the whole plan.

For no reason, I brought my passport along with me. And for no reason, I flipped through my Visa pages and OMG. MY RE-ENTRY PERMIT EXPIRED ON 15TH APRIL 2009. The last time this happened, I was at Changi airport with my return ticket, they let me in on a basis that I report to ICA immediately the following morning. And in case you dont know, being a PR does not equals to allowing me going in and out of singapore as and when I want.

I pay for the taxes like Singaporeans do, and the 10% service charge when I hardly get any service, and my more expensive education fees, plus I dont get GST offsets ------ and I need to pay for coming into SINGAPORE every year!!!!!

I'm going to pay another 50 bucks for my 5 year re-entry permit again!!!!

Checked in. My sis is now at Changi Airport.

Headache. Feeling kinda feverish. I had a complicated dream last night.

Its complicated because I've been searching for the right word to describe it, among these words : sweet, wonderful, nightmarish, wierd, familiar. So...its complicated.

I kept visiting the same places in my dreams.

An American supermarket, one storey, orange top and grey-white walls, huge carpark surrounding.

Winding streets leading to a condominium, baby pool and bridges, big stepping marble stones in the pool, there's a big round-mouth park entrance, its green,fadish green.

And then.

Last night again.

That beach. (Nah its nothing scary.)

I alighted at a old-fashioned hong kong bus stop, walked down the path leading downwards to a old-fashioned hong kong wet market. There are old ladies selling old-fashioned hong kong candies & tidbits, ugly clothes from a heck-care face uncle,walk down down down down.... and then you see the beach.

Its never blue-skied. The clouds were always there, but its not totally gloomy if you know what I mean. I'm with this guy, a head taller than me, I'm clinging on to him as though he's the last man I'll ever cling to. The feeling is complicated, its apple and cinamon, its sweet & logical. I dont love this man, but I just want to be with him.

And then I wake up.

And then I have this headache.

Damn.

You want to know what girl's think?

1) You pop by her house at 11pm/7am to surprise her with supper/breakfast.

"AAAAAAHHHHH SHIT I'VE GOT NO MAKEUP ON! Cant you call before u come u stupid boy".

Thats why we dont look really happy with your surprise.

2)You went through all the paiseh-ness, the pain of forking out money from ur already flat wallet to get her a big bunch of roses.

"I'd really, really rather you buy me a bag OR something frm Tiffany OR a perfume OR just treat me to a better restaurant for dinner if you really have no where else to spend your money."

Thats why our smile is so fake. Wow, flowers, nice. What else do you want me to say???

3) You are with the girl you want to woo, its the 3rd date. Crossing the road, green man's blinking. What a gentleman, you kept your hands to urself.

"HOLD MY DAMN HAND LAH YOU FOOL."

Chance missed. It may never come again.

4) Cockroach on the street. You jump away immediately.

"..."

*rolls eyes*

5) Dining in restaurant and waiting for the waitress to come over for menu/order/bill. You look around hoping to catch the waitress eye.

"Can you just put up your hand and call for the waitress? Urgh. I'll do it. "

Sorry this applies to Singapore guys only. Majority.

6) Its 11pm, left pub. Girl-friends tipsy, you're tired too, cab comes, you hop in.

"I cant believe it. WHATS THIS?????"

Who's the man here? You or me?

More to come.

Im not anti-animals, just because I dont oohoohahah over cutie pie furry (or no fur..whatever) living things doesnt mean I hate it to the core.

I admit I'm pretty afraid of dogs, but I can get over it if it 1)doesnt barks at me 2)dont come near me unless I go near it 3) doesnt bite. My neighbour's dog has never fulfil clause 1 for the past 10 years.

I have nothing against dogs.

But that two husky owner really pissed me off.

Scenario

You have 2 husky with you, together with your gay partner who has another puppy in his arms, you guys wait for the lift. The lift door opens, two girls, one girl holds the door while the other girl stands rooted with a frightened experssion.

What will you do?

1) Pull your dogs aside and wait for them to step out.

2) Smile and pull your dogs aside and wait for them to step out.

3) Frown and pull your dogs aside and wait for them to step out.

4) Swear and pull your dogs aside and wait for them to step out.

Doing nothing.is.not.an.option.

Even the uncle with the barky dog at my block knows what to do. Even the malay auntie with the long legged dog knows what to do.

Just pull your lovely husky aside and stop wasting each other's time!!!!!!!!

Fyi, my sis will be here with me for the next 10 days, she's holding my phone so if you have anything urgent, call me straight at company phone. I wont be expecting alot of extra calls since not many of you have that line...................................

Cheers. *v*

The umbrella.

That old witch. 

With a door between us. Her son standing by her side. 

Her cackled sharp-pitch voice.

That long long corridor.

The scent of a Singapore morning.

The jab. 

This scene kept looping in my mind last night like a scratched disc, jamming on one point and couldnt play on. 

Its easier to hate than to forgive. But its tired and lonely, which is why I'm not hating anyone, and at the same time, not forgiving. 

Still stuck in office, waiting for my files to be sent and Giena to be done with her casting briefing.

Anyways.

I dont like it when the level of effort from both parties does not meet. I guess nobody likes it. Especially after I spent hours and emails and conversations after conversations trying hard to push for somebody's profile, and then they screw the job for some really minor itsy bitsy reasons.

We are talking about professionalism here. 

I dont like the crazy thumping of heartbeats when clients calls during a job. It usually means bad news. Disappointment. Compensation.

I dont like calling models up to talk about a done job. It usually means underperformance. Unhappiness. Something done that cant be undone, but a need to prevent it from future cork-ups.

Which is why I really cherish working relationships with girls and guys that are really serious about modeling. 

Well.....

Peace. 

*v*